Back to School...

That's right followers it's the 1st September today. And September means 'BACK TO SCHOOL SEASON'. Arrrrrrrgh. It's definitely not a real season like Christmas or football or summer.

Anywhere you go, physical or virtual, you are forced to think about SCHOOL, which causes that familiar TERROR to spread among the school-going population quicker than a meme or cat gif. Every kid knows the feeling… except maybe teacher’s pet Floyd MacGoogin from my class who gets As in everything and eats textbooks…

It’s no coincidence that around this time of year #destroystationery and #HML trend on Twitter. E.g. check out Floyd’s Facebook status he just posted - he's clearly been organizing his pencil case ready for the first day back...

Note followers: it’s NEVER cool to tweet about stationery, or post on facebook about it. But, despite being a loser, notice how Floyd has linked his status to his twitter account, a basic but effective inter-networking device.

How to Impress Girls with Technology

Sup Followers.

Sometimes girls can be hard to talk to because you have to 'MAKE CONVERSATION', which is a very difficult thing to make. 

Obviously girls will be climbing over each other to go out with me once I’m a BILLIONAIRE like Mark Zuckerberg. But for all you followers, here's a useful way of breaking the ice and making yourself look EDGY. All you have to do is subtly reveal your irresistible knowledge of technology, so they can see what a TECH-WIZARD you are. But don't make it too obvious.

The words 'gif' and 'pinterest' are like a powerful love potion to girls. (It makes them fancy you). Other such stimulus words include 'tumblr' 'blog' 'internet'.

You're welcome.

Steve

Cabbage Giraffe

I have written an INTERNET POEM for your enjoyment, followers. 

Internet poetry is where you pick random words from the internet to create a poem. This poem therefore says something profound about the human condition, since the internet is practically the COMBINED BRAIN of the world.

To get a random first word to begin searching with, mash the keyboard keys with your eyes closed, like this:

CABBBBIIDGHEEEEEEEEE

This was close enough to ‘Cabbage’ so I went with that. I entered cabbage into Google, then chose some random words from the first page, before searching those words on Google and choosing some more and repeating until I had the following profound poem. I call it ‘Cabbage Giraffe’.

Cabbage Giraffe

Cabbage Giraffe

Little known to science

Fantastic soup, 

Darwin's heat rash because Ozone depletion,

Infects

Mighty spoonfeeding crayon man.

Unless 

One looks beyond regret.

Third world debt...

Elbows.

by Steve Pitt

Mark Zuckerberg

Mark Zuckerberg is the most famous BLOG ENTREPRENEUR and the most popular guy in the world because he has like 20 million friends. He was very clever and made FACEBOOK, which is well-thought out, if flawed, SOCIAL NETWORK for looking at photos of people you don't know, and making friends with famous people. Yesterday I even added the Queen. It's still pending, but after she reads my last blog post, I'm sure she'll accept.

In a few years/ months I'll probably be as famous as Mark Zuckerberg. But hopefully I won't have alienated all my friends, like he did.

P.S. followers - notice how I have created a brilliant double layered effect in Microsoft Paint, to bring out the cragginess in Mark's face. A clever technique. O yeah... Microsoft Paint is a HIGHLY ADVANCED SOFTWARE PROGRAM for drawing things. See my youtube channel for a tutorial.

Steve out!

Welcome Followers!

Hi followers, and welcome to my awesome new blog USMAT (Using Social Media and Technology).

I'm Steve Pitt, BLOG ENTREPRENEUR, and, when USMAT overtakes Facebook and Google, future EMPEROR OF THE INTERNET AND THE WORLD.

I've disguised myself because I don't want all you MILLIONS of followers out there knowing what I look like. WEIRD!!!

USMAT is going to help all you TECHNOPHOBES and VCR HIPPIES out there, to stop being losers and become an awesome TECH WIZARD LIKE ME!

Well done again on following! Next post soon.

Steve Pitt
CEO USMAT
TECH ENTREPRENEUR